21 June 2006–Judgment day?

Its been two days of pure dread…been dreading the results which came out today. As I had said earlier, it started that morning when I got the msg from amit, in the bus. Yesterday was hel…coudn’t think of anything at all! Anyrhin i did was like affected…no…infested by the thot of the results.
I wud be killin aliens on the PC, and I thot they were the subject papers, and the result was the score sheet. Was talkin on the phone, and cudnt help thinkin about the results. Wud sleep and dream bout the result too…I think i was sleepin, eating, fagin and dreaming the results. I dont rmbr ever bein so full of dread…I knew it was coz they were the final year results.
The dread was there coz I thot that “if i score well, that wud make mom and grans happy. There are so many ppl watchin me…waitin to see what ive done in the exams.” There were my friends, sayin I shud be among the toppers. There were my uncles and aunts, distant uncles, not-so-distant uncles, neighbours, next-door neighbours, even the neighbours’ neighbours. And i aint fobbin…it was that way. Normally, this kind of attention wudve gone to my head, but this time it was a burden…pushin me down under.
Wanted the score to be good, atleast above 70% (mind u, thats gud by any standard, as any engineer or engg student wud tell u), so that I cud do the degree in a gud college. Was constantly thinkin of the exam, goin over my performance in each subject, tryin to rmbr the way the viva had been, trun to rmbr the image i had b4 the profguys…all the factors that influence the results one way or the other. Ther were some instances in col when i had reacted a bit too sharply to some profs…was thinkin if that wud take a toll. There was absolutely nuthin that cud possibly hav an effect on the results, and I hadnt thot of it. Got two movies last nite-Constantine and Ramji Londonwale, thinkin that watchin the movies cud help me relax. Was so overwhelmed by dread at nite that didnt even put the cd in the player…
…mom called up last nite sayin she was gonna take a day off today so that she cud be home to hear my score. Had given my seat (damn…) number to a cuz so that she cud see the results on the net. All this was amazingle depressing. But…in the end…
…goin thru all this, I think that the Board shud never declare the dates of the results. its too dangerous for the weak-at-heart.

So, I lived thru the self-induced hel and woke up today. Met a couple of friends and went to college for the marksheet. The results were gonna be out at 11. Went to the princiPAL. He said that the marksheets were at his place. He sent over the librarian to fetch em. We waited, thinkin that we wud have the marksheets in a few mins. But we were told that the clearance and distri stuff would take atleast 2 hours! That was too taxing, and I was runnin out of patience, so askd my cuz to check it on the net. The net had slowed down to a crawl, the page wasnt opening. Waited, gettin frustrated evry min, waited for atleast 30 mins when mom called up, with the result. Her voice told the story.
75%, third topper.


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